Why I never reach out...
Seems some people don't quite understand why I and others like me don't reach out, or look for support.
We're conditioned not to; we learn early that our struggle is ours alone, not directly mind you, just in the seeming indifference of those who don't understand. Mind you, perception is reality in a lot of cases.
I grew up thinking I was broken, completely unlike everyone around me. This lead me to internalize everything. No reaching out, no comfort from others. Being bullied, insulted, even simply being teased, all of it stayed inside. I didn't feel that I had anyone to turn to, anywhere to go. Did some pretty nasty things to my mental state. I thought I was utterly, completely unlikable.
This brings me to adulthood. The effect now is simple. I don't like to involve myself in people's lives. I feel like I am intruding, unless I get an invite from someone. Even then, there is a quiet voice that questions that. I know a lot of great people, and I've enjoyed most of the time spent together. I see someone on Facebook or in a game I'm playing, but I can't bring myself to say anything.
This is why I rarely invite anyone over, or out to lunch. I just don't feel like I have any place to do so. My overwhelming belief is that if someone wants me around, they will let me know. Logically, I know this is wrong. Sadly, the fight between logic and depression is very one-sided.
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What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson